Update: Moving back home

Thank you so much to all who showed support during this very intense period of my life, it does not go unnoticed. I am grateful for the shoulders to cry on, the inspiration to take in, and the connections I have made in my time of weakness. 

the real deal

I would be lying if I said this has been a smooth transition for me- its taken a lot of effort to get on my blog and write, and write genuinely. Sometimes you feel the need to slam out content, when honestly the best content is when it comes from the heart. With all this happening, its so easy to try and shut out from the world and disappear- but that has never solved any problems. Day by day I live, opening my heart and life to new opportunities and ideas, and mindfully reminding myself that with optimism, anything is possible.

I am happy my partner and I uncoupled so well, although the last week together was not very easy. We reflected on our lengthy past together, and all the wonderful memories we made. We reflected on our growths as a couple, and as individuals- and the things we will accomplish by ourselves in the future. We held each other, shared moments of closeness, and appreciated each others company.There is absolutely nothing harder in this world than telling your best friend goodbye, even though you know its for each individuals best interest. It all became very real when we finally packed up my car for me to drive home to Utah, and realized that this wouldn’t be just a trip that I would come back from.

home- for now

Being home in Utah this first week has felt slightly lonely- I know there is no husband to come home to, and I have been alone with my own thoughts. My ex and I talk and make sure each other are okay, and we have been experiencing the growing pains of being on our own now. Some things have felt so foreign to us since we have gotten accustomed to doing everything together, and making decisions together. It can be very odd to get up in the morning and not ask someone what their agenda is for the day, or go out to eat by yourself- but something “new” can usually be scary at first. I have been fortunate enough to keep busy catching up with my friends, seeing my family, and doing general errands that I wouldn’t be able to do from Arizona. For me, the most overwhelming factor of being home is everyone asking what happened- trying to dig deeper for some “real” story, or not believing I'm alright. Contrary to the popular belief, my ex and I are still best friends. 

I think its so important that him and I have an amazing relationship, lovers or not. We have discussed that we just don’t see ourselves becoming strangers to each other- we’ve already shared too much in life to act like we don’t value it. Many times in modern day relationships, you see the break up as the “end all” and a very negative scenario- we are quite the contrary- we still talk everyday, we still encourage each other, and we still care for each other. It takes two very mature and big people to be able to put our individual feelings aside, and see how we can foster positivity in another, even if we can’t be life partners. I think my worst fear in my current adult life would be to hold a grudge or negativity towards someone that I love and care for like family- so I lead by example to show others.

Really proud of me & you

I wish to show others in my struggle that in this day, good things don’t have to die- but they can change, evolve, and grow into something we didn’t expect them to. We can still have open hearts and fulfilling relationships, even if theres a part of that relationship that doesn’t serve a purpose anymore. We have full power to put our selfish feelings aside, and be able to see the benefits in someone else life, even when they don’t revolve around you anymore. We face tough feelings like loneliness, jealousy, and curiosity with communication and self reflection- and this is a daily effort. 

Remember that non of us are perfect, but we sure as hell can learn through our trials. Just like every trial I have had in my life, there has been a massive positive effect. I am a true believer that the universe turns your world upside down for better things to come your way- and I am excited to work on myself. For the most part, I have been enjoying my independence and being able to make big life moves. Im open to adventure, Im open to opportunities, and I am working on my own personal goals. I am also very excited to see my ex succeed, grow, and progress in life. 

Rule of thumb: Everything is easier when its done with love.