• Julieta Chiara

Trans 101: Sex with a Neo-Vagina


Yesterday we celebrated Trans Day of Visibility, and I have been nothing but grateful, inspired, and moved by the folks who have fought and are still fighting for rights, equality, and visibility.


I'm approached often about exploring sexuality as trans folk, and what someones experience may be like. If there's one thing about me that is certain, it's that I don't cover topics unless I am educated in them or experienced in them. While I have done plenty of gender and sexuality studies, I have never lived the experience of our trans community, nor will I pretend to understand.


I asked my amazing friend Jade if she would educate us surrounding her journey with gender and sexuality as a post op trans woman. In my years of education, I rarely learned and heard the intimate details of ones experience- let alone the inner workings of dysphoria, having a Neo-Vagina, and the ever evolving experience of sexuality through SRS. I am so thankful to Jade for her vulnerability, honesty, and education that she is providing not only to me, but to anyone who may be in her shoes.




Jade, thank you for letting me interview you! Tell us a little about yourself and what you'll be educating us on today.



Hi there, my name is Jade and I’m here to share some insight on sex as a post-operative transwoman. Before we dive into sex on the first date (wink wink), I figured it would be best to get to know me just a little bit. I do not have many hobbies aside from long distance running and being an avid festival goer (about 2 a month). Festivals provide great escapism through music and friendship; I’ve met some of the most beautiful souls through these adventures. However being an ambivert, when I’m not dancing to funky beats, I find myself in solitude at home reading about mental health or astrology. I find the stars captivating and while not a “proven” science it’s interesting to see synonymity between ancient cultures, predictions, personalities (i.e. horoscopes) etc and the astrological realm. With that being said let’s dive into something I feel the world could gain some insight on and let’s get to know me on a deeper level, if you know what I mean: Sex with a Neo-Vagina.


You've had an inspiring journey when it comes to your transition, I especially love your Trans 101 segments. Could you give an overview of your transitional journey?


My journey started really young, I first recognized I was different during my toddler years. Being told I could not play with girls toys was really confusing to me but I insisted on being drawn to things more “feminine”. The decision to transition was quite bold considering I did it on a whim. I was 14 at the time and shopping with a new friend of mine. She was androgynous at the time and convinced me that a pair of heels and some slacks from the women's section would be a “diva” thing to wear. I remember the joy I felt trying on this pair of hot pink metallic snakeskin pointy toed pumps. My soul, was sold to say the least. My mother was not very happy about my decision but I walked out of the house frightened yet proud at the same time. From that moment forward I started including women’s clothing into my wardrobe.


When I was 17 I decided to start hormone replacement therapy, this was unbeknownst to my parents. I found a doctor that worked without insurance and used my allowance to pay for the initial visit and that doctor helped me find a compound pharmacy that offered discounts. I continued to pay for my hormone replacement therapy via grants and student aid I was awarded through school. At 18 I decided to change my name and gender marker on my documents. The name change was easy, as was the gender marker on my driver’s license but I had to wait until I had a physical sex change to change federal documents (passport, etc).


The next big step for me was breast augmentation. I felt like this would help push my transition a little further. I did my research on doctors and thankfully one of the best in the nation was in my city. I had so much confidence after surgery and I do not have one single regret about it.


Even though I made it far in my transition I still felt incomplete, inadequate. My gender dysphoria was still very strong so I sought out to get “the” surgery: Sex-Reassignment Surgery. It was a long process, from the letters, to scheduling, all of the testing, and the recovery. Making this decision at such a young age was frightening but I felt it was necessary. I have zero regrets.


What has inspired you to be so open, honest, and powerful in sharing your journey?


Being “transparent” was never easy. I enjoyed living my life being stealth; I felt safe, private, and could go about my day in ease. With that being said I always had this lingering feeling of “do they know?” or “am I obvious?". I came out to the world as a means to liberate myself and share my knowledge with others as a means to inspire hope in others like me. I still struggle with being out to this day; all I have ever wanted all of my life is to be “normal” so feeling labeled as trans kicks up dysphoria. I did take a step back, because my dysphoria sky rocketed...the response to me coming out was overwhelming.


When growing up, how did you explore your sexuality?


I did not explore my sexuality easily, if at all. Me being “born in the wrong body” made it really hard for me to even want to be sexually active. I was always ashamed of my body and myself. On the contrary, I was always a sexualized being: my mind was in the gutter, and the way I was dressed very “sexy” (I guess this was a means to compensate for my feeling of lacking in being female).


One thing was and still is for sure: men. In my head, this made me a straight woman. When I did start to give into exploring the idea of sex I often found myself giving peers who were “straight” blow jobs. I was forced to keep it a secret. It fucked with me to say the least; being some jerk’s experiment definitely took its toll on my self esteem. Even in my first relationship my boyfriend kept me a secret and thus it became normalized for me and willingly losing my virginity was no longer special since i was manipulated into thinking it never happened.


After I had SRS I began to rapidly explored sex. I almost felt like I was set free and could use my entire body rather than limit myself. I felt like a virgin all over again...technically I was in a sense. The sex change allowed me to be more submissive in bed as before I was far more dominant; being in control helped me feel comfortable in bed.