Updated: Aug 21
Picture this: As a person with a vagina, you are ready to get it on with your partner, only to have them go straight for the intercourse first, climax 5 minutes in and all they have done is give you a few humps and left you high and dry: Pretty fucking “anticlimactic” am I right?
We've all been there. Hell, we have all had longer sex sessions and still faked the orgasm (bless our partners, but they just weren’t anywhere near making us have an orgasm). You love and enjoy sex, you feel the burning desire for it, you can give yourself an orgasm easily through masturbation, yet the orgasm during intercourse seems harder to find than the great white buffalo. Even worse? You don’t want to make your partner feel bad by telling them you haven’t achieved orgasm most the time. So…. Do you go on having no orgasms during sex and just flicking your own bean for satisfaction?
Ladies, and yes, men (this topic applies to you too), THIS HAS GOTTA STOP. The female orgasm is truly like a spell. Its magical, it can make great things happen, it can even make someone love you, but as a partner- you must know how to cast it. It is proven that usually, men climax faster than women. It is also proven that most women do not climax off of intercourse alone- this means that there is much more to the female orgasm than just penetration. Of course, there are those magical ladies that can indeed climax off of just intercourse and within minutes, and honey do I envy you.
I have been there before in a couple of past relationships. I used to question why I couldn’t climax during normal sex, but I accepted that it was what it was, and that no guy would be able to make me climax without my aide. No matter what genitals you have, the only one who knows how to make them climax is you- you are the master of your own ship. It wasn’t until I had my first orgasm during intercourse that my mind was blown. How did he do that? I thought only I could make that happen? I thought this day would never come! This came through 5 incredibly easy yet essential concepts.
I get it, some women get really uncomfortable around the topic of masturbation. It is completely natural and any religious jargon you heard growing up may try to damn you to hell for it, but its all a facade (yes, even religious people get off). Bottom line is, whether you admit it or not, everyone figures out how to do it on their own, and this plays a very essential role in achieving orgasms during sex. 1. You see what an orgasm feels like. I used to have a close friend, that though sexually active, had never masturbated so she had still never had her first orgasm (yikes). After a couple of sessions getting aquainted with her own vagina, she finally realized that sex alone wasn’t producing this feeling + dropped the shame of her body and masturbation. 2. Masturbation lets you individually figure out what gets you off, in order to communicate that to your partner. As mentioned above- you are the captain of your own ship. You know how to sail said ship- meaning you know what you want and what to expect.
This plays into the time factor. You don’t need to be having long sex sessions, but they need to be effective. You see the thing is, foreplay makes a huge difference for women: It helps you naturally lubricate, increase blood flow, and mentally get into the mood- which can lead to an orgasm. Much like men, we need blood flow to the area in order for the body to even be prepared to receive intercourse.This can be through touch, oral sex, dirty talk, BDSM, massage, or whatever you can do together besides penetration. For me, foreplay is the orgasm deal breaker- usually from foreplay alone my partner can make me achieve orgasm, and then many more. Fore future posts, I will go in depth on different types of foreplay and exactly what to do.
I cannot stress this enough: Tell your partner what gets you off. Your partner is not a mindreader, let alone won’t know exactly what makes you tick unless you give them some direction. You cannot expect someone to always reach a destination without google maps. Some people are really shy and let their partner continue even though what they are doing may not really be pleasing. You don’t want to receive oral sex or hand play from your partner only to have them miss the sensitive areas the entire time. Seriously is no biggie! Direct your partners hand, tell them where to touch you, tell them what works and what doesn’t, and give verbal cues on what really makes you feel amazing.
Orgasms are primarily stimulated from the clitoris (there are vaginal orgasms, and even cervical orgasms too) which in turn still stimulate the same muscles and nerves. You or your partner can stimulate the clitoris during foreplay and sex, although the most powerful orgasms come from a duo of clitoral and vaginal stimulation at the same time. Have your partner try different patterns of tongue motions during oral sex with or without finger stimulation, hand stimulation and pressure during intercourse, and even incorporate a small vibrator or a vibrating cock ring to provide stimulation the whole way through.
If we could orgasm on command, what would be the fun in having any sort of sexual fun? Set aside 30 minutes of your day to truly have fun in bed. Take your time, shower your partner with attention (and them to you), and make a purposeful effort to reciprocate pleasure. A straight 10 minutes of just penetration, and no foreplay, is not gonna cut it for most women. On top of that, it doesn’t let the body naturally lubricate or be prepared- this can just be downright uncomfortable. Quickies happen here and there, but if you have 4 hours a day to play on your phone: You have 30 minutes of your day to learn exactly how to get your partner off.
Orgasms, Orgasms everywhere
These factors have made it so that orgasms during intercourse can be a reality for me, and many others. Take the next week to touch yourself, communicate with your partner, and find ways to make your sex session catered to achieving your orgasm too.If you enjoy the content, shoot me a DM so I can make more in depth posts on each one of the above areas- some masturbation, orgasm, and foreplay tutorials would be really fun to make for everybody!