I love love love talking about this topic, since most people can’t grasp the idea of talking freely about sex with their parents.
As I mentioned in my last post, I grew up in a family that had no limitations in communications on literally anything. I am so beyond blessed that I can go up to my parents and ask them anything without fearing rejection or compromising our relationship. If you can think it, I have probably asked it. I can bet you 100$ If I called my mom at this very moment and asked her what her favorite kind of lube is, she would tell me which brand and why. Are my parents badass, conscious, and sexual beings just like me? They sure are (incase you thought becoming a parent automatically makes you a non-sexual being). Because of this, they taught me very important lessons in sex, sex education, and most importantly: Healthy sexual relationships. Ill keep things short and sweet on this post.
Sexuality is only weird if you make it.
Emerging sexuality and young adulthood can be pretty terrifying if you don’t have a grip on what is happening to your body and how to handle what you’re feeling. Ive had friends with families who were too closed to discuss things like menstruation, or even worse, too closed to discuss arousal or bodily changes. If you had no idea about your body or sex, how terrified would you be to wake up with your first menstruation, an erection, or have your breasts ache because they are growing? Would you be even more scared if your parents told you that anything to do with your genitals was bad and you weren’t allowed to discuss it with them? Now how horrified would you be if with all these situations, you go to your schools sex ed class and they scare the shit out of you and tell you that if you aren’t abstinent, you will get every STD imaginable and end up pregnant? That it's inappropriate to have sexual thoughts or even think about masturbation?
The way we discuss sexuality at home has a lot to do with how you channel yours in the future. Just like we learn about healthy diets, exercise, healthy friendships… why are we not learning about healthy sexuality? Why are some parents biggest fear is knowing that one day their child will be a sexual being? It can be religion, it can be morals, it can even be naivety.. but even in all those contexts, there are ways to address healthy sexual relationships.
SEX IS ONLY TABOO/AWKWARD IF YOU MAKE IT THAT WAY.
Teach your kids the anatomy of their genitals and what they are for. I don’t care what you believe in, you have a right to know what your reproductive system is there for.
Be honest in why people have sex- religious, conservative, or not- you’re all having sex in your own way.
What is appropriate? Teach your kids the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching. This helps kids learn that their body and choices belong to them and that they have the right to speak up.
Any question that is asked, just answer it honestly. We need to stop having kids think babies are born from the rectum or that some higher power delivered it to your mothers womb.
Explain what masturbation is. This is a natural process and you will figure it out on your own, considering 78% of Americans over 14 will masturbate.
HEALTHY SEXUAL HABITS AND VIEWS:
Consent. From hand holding to intercourse, you decide what you are comfortable with or not. You always have the option to change your mind as well.
Protection- This one is pretty obvious as to why, so Im not going to delve into it.
A respectful relationship: No matter who you choose to have sex with, its in your best interest to have a good relationship with them be it a partner or friend.
Sex is your choice: If you want to wait until marriage, great. If you want to hold off on sex, awesome. If you would like to have sexual relationships before marriage, more power to you! Sex is a personal choice.
Sexual Orientation: You will not be disowned or looked at differently for your sexual orientation.
Explore your sexuality, find out what works for you and what doesn’t. Your sex life with a partner is like eyebrows: They are sisters not twins. You will both have some sexual differences that you may want to explore or compromise on.
Communication: If you’re going to have sexual relations with someone, you should be able to communicate exactly what you want!
Those are some of the key points my amazing parents conveyed to me, in light of the thousands of lessons they have taught me. Did my parents want me to go out and start having sex? Obviously not, but they knew that I could either be honest with them and be informed, or go behind their back and do it anyways. Through an early sex ed and practice of healthy sexual relationships, I am pretty honored to say I am 100% comfortable with who I am as a woman, my sexuality, and the relationships I have chosen to have.
Feel free to message me through here or @julietachiara on Instagram if you would like more elaboration on one of these topics or would simply like to talk. All are welcome!