I love love loved that my friend messaged me regarding one of the hottest things about a sexual experience, and thats dirty talk! He asked me, what is an effective way to give dirty talk? I have honestly had dirty talk sessions that ended up being more satisfying than the act itself. Although the question is completely subjective since everyone has their own individual preferences, we had an amazing conversation on some of the key dynamics of effective dirty talk.
Dirty talk vs. just sex
I would put dirty talk into the realm of mental foreplay- although sex is physical, you would be dumb to think that it has nothing to do with being mentally turned on. There are heavy accounts of people bringing themselves to orgasm with just their mind. Don’t believe me? Well have you ever had a wet dream (you too ladies)? Thats right- your mind is a very POWERFUL sexual tool- and dirty talking your partner Is nothing short of tantalizing.
Its all up to you
Please keep in mind, dirty talk is not gender specific- you will have to test the waters with your partner, get to know their wants and needs, and use that to your full advantage in order to create dirty talk that will drive them crazy.
PreBedroom: Tease em
As I talked with my friend, I let him know that something really important about dirty talk is being able to effectively do it in and out of the bedroom- and that can be done through the art of teasing. The thing, if you’re just texting someone, you don’t want to lay out every ounce of dirty talk that you can come up with- save that for the bedroom, and get a little more vague. Teasing through a text is exciting, but theres no need to write an entire story. The whole point is to build tension, so when you meet in person you are fully enticed to get it on right then and there.
Instead of: “Im going to fuck you tonight” Try using something along the lines of “Make sure to show up at my house with no panties, we will see what happens to you then”.
Instead of “I bought lingerie you will like” Try “I can’t wait for you to come home and rip off my clothes for your surprise”.
See what I mean? Revamping the way you approach dirty talking before sex is so much more exciting than just letting them know the obvious fact that you’re going to have intercourse with them.
In the realm of dirty talk, I see a lot of the same characteristics of the dominant/submissive role in BDSM. In more vanilla terms, that can be seen as the giver and the taker. Even though you wouldn’t think that you’re practicing the dominant or submissive, it is always there. We can learn to incorporate dominance and submissiveness into dirty talk in order to create an absolute wild amount of tension. Now, keep in mind dominance and submission are not gender specific- these are roles that can be taken on by anyone. Getting out of your comfort bubble and incorporating some dominance or submission is a great way to build sexual confidence.
Directive-Dominant, or directive-submissive.
What do you want your partner to do to you? What do you want to do with your partner? Be directive and VOCALIZE THAT SHIT. This is a great time to communicate openly and try new things. There is no point in leaving anything to fantasy since you are already in the bedroom- its go time.
Directive-Dominant: The Giver
On the dominant side, be directive in telling your partner what you want to see them do. What position do you want them in? What do you want them to call you? What do you want them to say to you? What do you want them to do for you?
Instead of just flipping your girl over on her back for another position, you could say “Lay on your back so I can watch you take me” or “Tell me how hard/ how much you want it” or “Moan for me”. Although these are very mild, you can escalate these to whatever you are comfortable with.
Directive-Submissive: The Taker
On the submission side, which is my personal favorite, ask and you shall receive: Tell them how much you want them, tell them what you want them to do to you. Direct them on what feels right for you, and how you want them to pleasure you. There is an element of the dominant that absolutely loves this form of “begging”, which makes for such a hot encounter- it expresses how much you want that person.
Instead of going through the motions, you can say “Please bend me over and spank me” or “grab my hips and take me like you mean it” - if your partners eyes don’t instantly dilate after this kind of talk, you’ve got a serious problem.
from both sides
Always be sure to express how much you love what your partner is doing and how amazing they are. Do they look incredibly sexy? Do you love how they do one position? Can you barely handle how incredible their oral is? On top of dirty talk, these are great examples of things you should also express out loud during sex in order to give that confidence boost.
Express your fantasies and use them to your dirty talk advantage. Have you always wanted to watch your partner touch themselves? Have you always wanted to try roleplaying or name calling that you find hot? Suggest it to your partner and see what happens!
Be confident in your talk. If you’re dirty talking but you’re being shy in your wants and needs- things will most likely not live up to your expectations. Be confident in your word, own it, and turn those words into reality.
Once again, thank you so much for those who partake in my polls- I have so much fun connecting with all of you- even those who are very closed off about their sexuality. It has been enlightening for the giant amount of you who trust me with your deepest thoughts on relationships, sexuality, wants, and needs. I am so incredible grateful for you- now go have some amazing dirty talk and push down some of your safety walls- you’ll be so glad you did. `