I think one of my best and worst qualities is the ability to multitask, and try to handle multiple projects at once. This is great because I get a lot done, but its also a negative thing since I tend to spread myself thin. I want to believe I’m a boss bitch and can handle full time work, school, doing amazing in the gym, doing side projects, reading books, possibility of buying a home, etc.
I won’t lie to you guys, Im tired. I’m Human. Im not always a professional orgasm queen.
Through all the stresses, combined with trying to do everything at once- it seems my motivation for anything, including sex, is doomed. All your stress, worries, frustrations, anxieties- they manifest into your physical body through tension, hormone disruption, aches and pains, sexual disfunction, ect. On top of feeling physically exhausted, you mentally can't do it. I become very sensitive, aggressive, and annoyed by practically everything. Now, being a raging bitch is one thing- but being a sex deprived raging bitch is even worse.
My husband is my exact opposite- he is relaxed, thinks about one thing at a time, and doesn’t let stressors add up on him. He can sit in a ring of fire and not bat an eye, while I run around him in circles like a chicken with my head cut off. He can put up with my strong personality, and even stronger attitudes. I can't count how many times I have told my husband to fuck off, and he still loves me- a true universal miracle. We are indeed a true yin and yang- and he has been my rock. We have amazing sexual chemistry, our sex is satisfying, he absolutely does everything I love and can bring me to orgasm- but sometimes I’m just not feeling it. In fact, I am truly guilty of reflecting my stress on my relationship- it happens.
As mentioned in my previous post on upping your sex drive, stress can physically kill your orgasm-
thats right, it can literally stunt your genitals so you feel nothing. If you’re not mentally relaxed and into it, your body isn’t ready for it either. I like to call stress the OG boner and orgasm killer. Now that my friends, is a really fucked up paradox. Pardon my brash language, but I just need to be real with you guys. You go to masturbate in order to orgasm and relieve some stress, only to be met with a numb vagina or penis, and a almost unfelt orgasm that makes you want to throw your vibrator at the wall. You try having sex, and you’re met with your vagina not doing her job- you can’t self lubricate, you don’t feel any sensation, and you’re just getting cervix poked the whole time- and no one likes a bruised cervix. On the flip side as a male, no matter what you do you cannot maintain an erection, let alone get one- and that can be really harsh on you.The whole time you're trying to masturbate or have sex, you keep thinking about all the shit you gotta do- all the things you might put before your pleasure. Beyond sex, now you're stressed that your sex life isn't up to par, and you're mad at your vagina or penis for not helping you out- my oh my.
Okay, I apologize for the above rant, but someone had to say it. I am no where near perfect, I let stress consume me the same way I consume Talenti ice cream- stone cold, and by the pints. Outside stress can really stifle our love, relationships, health and sex drives of course. What are some things we can work on together with our partners, and with ourselves?
This is really my biggest downfall as a person- I am very bad at projecting my stress onto other people who are around me. Since I live with my husband, he really can take a beating when it comes to this. I am not perfect, and I have a very very low tolerance for stress. My honey is usually the key to relieving my stress, but sometimes I can't help but come home and accidentally bring some baggage with me. My number one way to try to combat this, is to take some silent time. I will straight up tell my husband that I had a bad day or that I am heated, and do not feel like talking- that I just need some silence. This can be hard because my husband likes to talk things out- but I prefer to cool down and not explode at the only person who can bear to hear it. I find it effective to also leave work, at work- its oh so easy for us to come home and unload all the shit things that happened to us on each other. My active goal is to truly be more mindful about what I project to my partner, and to not be so impulsive with my words.
Get your bod under control
There is nothing to make stress worse like a shit diet, no exercise, not healing from an injury, lack of sleep, and trying to keep up the pace when you are sick. If you participate in any of the above, no wonder your sex drive is lacking. All the above will 100% contribute to you feeling sluggish and tired. No amount of coffee can fix your poor decisions- take action on that. I maintain my diet to be 90% clean foods- an abundance of fruits, vegetables, proteins, healthy fats, and complex carbs. I keep drinking and junk food to a minimum, indulging here and there (and when I do indulge, I feel like shit- go figure). Even if you don't have time to hit the gym, which sometimes I don't, I take a 15 min. walk around my apartment complex or simply stretch on a yoga mat. Never, ever compromise your sleep- sleep is essential for every bodily process you have, such as healing. If your mind is tired, odds are you genitals will be too.
Before even thinking about diving into sexy time, you need to cool down and physically relax your body. With the modern world, we are constantly on overdrive, and overly stimulated. I mean this in all ways- we are seeing too many things at once, doing too many things at once, and hearing too many things at once- it makes you feel like a bobble head. I have felt stress physically to my core- my head hurts, my nerves are on fire, tension, ect. Try sitting in a dark room with no electronics or distractions for just 15 minutes- laying down, sitting, stretching, whatever suits your fancy. Take these 15 minutes to center yourself and relax- you'll come out extremely rejuvenated. My personal favorite, is taking a cold shower- sounds awful, but it will physically combat your response to stress. After the initial panic of cold water, you will notice that your heart rate will drop, your breath will get slower, and you honestly feel reborn- a reason I love Cryotherapy so much.
TRULY, I MEAN TRULY, LET YOUR PARTNER PLEASURE YOU.
When I get stressed, it feels like the last thing I want is sex. But having the amazing husband I have, he knows how to work me like a violin. Some foreplay always does the trick to bring back my sex drive in a jiffy. He is very attentive to hit all my sensitive spots- neck, nipples, and obviously below the belt. Having your partner take their time going down on you, and focusing on pleasuring you is a must. This act of giving should be done without the initial intent of reciprocating- enjoy and be present in the moment. Don’t think about your tasks or what you need to do in an hour- treasure the attention your partner is giving you. Make this time an experience, and not just a couple minutes of penetration- breathe deep, ground yourself, enjoy your partner. Lord knows after some good finessing my problems seem really small, and my sex drive is priority. Remember ladies, SEXUAL ENERGY IS CREATIVE ENERGY- if you can't get it out of yourself, trust your partner.
Reverse Bases: Bring Back cuddling and kissing.
All too often, in longer relationships, we start forgetting to do the basics of affection. Cuddling, kissing, and innocent forms of affection are so amazingly pleasing and comforting. My husband and I go to sleep holding each other every single night, and smother each other with love as much as we can. After a hard day, it really pays off to come home and just sit in silence with each other. My husband is a tickle fiend, and I know that it truly means the world when I do that for him- what is the extra step your partner can take with you, or you with them, to provide this stress relief? We need physical touch guys, why do you think its so important for infants to get cuddles and skin to skin contact? This kind of touch helps us grow and form attachments, and maintain our health.
DON'T GET DOWN
You’re all normal, you really are. Not all of us are happy, sexual deviants all the time. Life affects us, stress affects us, we are all the same if you really think about it. Even worse, we can distance ourselves in times that we need our partner and ourselves the most. Often times we put our sexuality on the back burner, although sexuality may very well be the root of all beautiful things. Sexual energy is motivational and creative, and can aid in stress relief if you try to find ways to let it in through affection, touch, and sexual relationships. I hope that just a little bit of my writing may encourage you to take your health into your hands, be mindful, enjoy time with your partner, sit on their face, get some cuddles in- and relax of course.