• Julieta Chiara

Self Pleasure: Self love


I remember sitting in my bedroom scrolling on instagram when I first stumbled upon the concept of “self love” or “self care”.


“Self Love? Self Care? What does that mean? Are people babying themselves?"



Self What?


At the time, I was a little taken back since it almost seemed a little selfish to me. In the ways I saw self love/ self care portrayed, it almost came off as people needing a “safe space” for life- be happy though, my views are far more evolved now. It took my some soul searching to understand the true purpose of self love, and why it felt so uncomfortable to talk about. I saw that in a modern world busy in jobs, money, social media, relationships, and so forth, we are constantly being torn down and brought to our limits. It was clear that no where in that narrative was there ever the encouragement to take care of yourself, or to truly love who you are. 


 Not even a couple years ago, I was the most selfless person in the world- there were many times my well-being took the back burner in order to accommodate others. There were countless times in my life where I was barely functioning with school, work, family, and navigating a relationship. I ignored how I felt about my body, put my sexual needs aside, took on as much work and responsibility as possible, and barely slept. Where did I leave room for myself in that equation? I didn’t know how to say no, I never knew how to set a limit, and I wasn’t upfront with what I needed. 


Self pleasure translates to self love


The thing is, I wasn’t making time for myself at all. I've evolved to realize that having time for yourself and loving yourself isn’t an indulgence, its a necessity. Its a ritualistic sequence specific to every person that helps keep their peace of mind and sense of self-worth. When I thought long and hard about self love for me, it came down to loving my body, loving myself as a person, and investing in my sexuality through self pleasure. 


I know what you’re thinking- what does getting off have anything to do with loving yourself or caring for yourself? Well let me break it down for you. 



Sexuality matters

Your sexuality is the most vulnerable, raw, and pleasure holding place in your life. Your sexuality has everything to do about learning to love your body, learning to enjoy pleasure, and being confident with yourself- let alone in front of somebody else. During times that I wasn’t taking care of myself or actively practicing self love, my sexuality took a hit. I didn’t feel comfortable naked in front of myself or others, I was self conscious about expressing my pleasure, and my masturbation sessions were short, goal-oriented, and less than satisfying. Whats the point in owning a 10 speed vibrator if you’re half assing your self pleasure?



A safe place to explore your pleasure



This is the most important part to me- when self pleasuring, you’re in a complete safe space to try whatever you want to yourself. This gives you the freedom to explore things you might like, fantasies you may have, and in complete privacy without risking anyone judging you. Sometimes we get shy in front of partners, sometimes you feel the need to “perform” when with a partner- not here! Seriously take your time, a goal oriented orgasm is usually the least satisfying ones you will have. Try those things you’ve wanted to try, think about your fantasies, view a film, use a toy, be as loud or as quiet as you want. I tell people over and over again, there is no right or wrong way to masturbate- stop relying on what you’ve “seen” and invest in what feels right for you. 



Get comfortable with your body