There is such a bad connotation that comes with divorce: it has to be some ugly, sad monster that haunts you for the rest of your life.
But there is an even more negative connotation with a “divorced woman”. I have had someone refer to me, a divorced woman, as “broken goods” or “damaged” or like if I carry around some sort of divorce backpack for the rest of my life.
Let me tell you, divorce is just one small life event that has occurred in the span of my absolutely amazing life. It has been a positive experience that opened up many doors for me, and has led to even more self discovery. In fact, my ex and I are still best friend and we talk everyday- we are each others #1 cheerleaders and that's not changing!
The worst part is people that believe divorce comes with some sort of sexual mourning period. I'm sorry, but no amount of heartbreak can break my sexual desires- I am a determined woman with needs and wants, and unapologetically so. Many people expressed their concerns when they knew I was having sex after my divorce.
“Isn’t that a little soon to be having sex?”
“What would your ex think?”
“You must have not been invested in your marriage if you're having sex so soon”
No… no… NO. That is not how this post divorce sex works. Post divorce sex has been very explorative, healing, and not to mention fun. It's not a secret, I have clearly had some very grateful volunteers to test my toys with, and have enjoyed bonding and making close friendships with my partners. My ex is very much aware I have partners, and so does he- its a very positive experience.
As a divorced woman, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and you are not damaged goods. So many are quick to tie a woman's worth to her sexuality, in this case a dissolved relationship- which somehow becomes her fault. The woman is seen as the sad pity case, the perpetrator, the one of concern and deep negative emotion. A sexual woman is seen as somehow less than, perceived to be unfaithful, and not caring of the relationships in her life. As someone who is a threat, and a questionable human. The reality? I am fine. I am an amazing human, with an amazing social circle of friends, family, and lovers. I am powerful and doing better than I ever have. I am young, navigating my way through life, discovering who I am, and I have endless value to add into the world.
As for post divorce sexual activity? Its been awesome, and its been a learning experience.
My ex and I have helped each other through this process. Yes it can feel uncomfortable to talk about sometimes, but the thing is we support each other. After being married and being with someone for so long, it can be daunting to get back out into the single life. It can be confusing, uncertain, and filled with many issues you never faced in the comfy marriage bubble.
Even in leaving this comfort zone, it is something that coincides with my sexual journey at the current time. I love having multiple partners, and I love what each one of them can add to my sex life. I love open communication, and having intense honesty as to what my expectations are and their roles in my life. It has made me so much more confident in myself, who I am, and knowing exactly what I want without sacrificing that for others. Being unapologetically me, has been the most freeing experience of all.
So, if you feel you're being put underneath some ridiculous label, break it. Be free from it and don’t give it any mind. If we live our lives based on the preconceived labels that others wish to impose on us, we will never find self realization or true happiness. I hope my experiences can serve as an example to you- a building block to work through shame and start enjoying. You are worth the world, and nothing can change that.