• Julieta Chiara

Non Monogamy- My Journey

Updated: Apr 10, 2019

Over the past couple months I have been talking diligently about my beliefs on non monogamy, and why I am drifting away from the traditional idea of having one partner at a time. The thing is, I wasn’t born this way. I was brought up with monogamous views from my parents, school, friends, ect. 

My experience and want for non monogamy is a very personal one, and one that I am just dipping my toes into. 

Monogamous Principles, and why I don’t agree

While there are many ways to be monogamous (even in open relationship settings), I will define traditional monogamy as the belief that a relationship is shared sexually and emotionally by only two people, and exploring outside of that person is betrayal. 

Monogamy teaches you a few key principles, that when looked at in depth, are actually pretty fucking toxic and ridiculous. 

  • You can only be attracted to one person at a time. 

  • You may only express yourself sexually with one person at a time, or else you face ultimate betrayal.

  • Admitting attraction to others is disrespectful and a sign of non-commitment. 

  • If you love someone other than your partner, that means the love you have for your partner is weak/ nonexistent. 

  • Enforces the idea that your partner is “yours” and you are “one” together. This plays into feelings of ownership.

  • One person is supposed to meet your every need- be it physically, emotionally, ect. 

  • Commitment is top priority, oftentimes through situations like disrespect, abuse, and emotional neglect.

So what is non monogamy? How is it ethical? 

Non monogamy comes in many forms, open relationships/polyamory/ ect.

I would best define it as the consensual and open decision to not be sexually or romantically exclusive to one person. That although you aren’t sexually exclusive with one person, you may still be committed to people or build a life with them.