• Julieta Chiara

My experience with cbd (for anxiety)


Before the Mental Health Police come at me, this is a friendly reminder everybody is different, and different methods of treatment work better for others, or don't work for one at all. This is my raw and honest experience on how I got a grip on my debilitating, yet high functioning anxiety.


I didn't always have my shit together


For as long as I can remember, I have had anxiety. Due to some of my life circumstances, I was programmed from a young age to always be in a constant state of "worry". Through childhood, and especially through my eating disorder- anxiety started to consume my life. I would dread even the smallest of things, like asking my mother for things, or facing responsibilities. I can remember nearly every embarrassing thing I have ever said, every horrible thing I have ever done, or even imagine scenarios that have never taken place, and let them keep me up at night. I get anxiety from receiving important text messages or emails, or phone calls from numbers I don't know. As I told one of my good friends, I even get anxiety about not having anxiety. My anxiety has literally ruined opportunities for me, and kept me in a very confined shell of "comfort". Although I would classify myself now as someone with High Functioning Anxiety, I did not always have a grip on how to handle it. It wasn't until my eating disorder that I was put on a variety of different anti-anxieties and antidepressants to try and help me out.


Here is a list of what I can remember being prescribed (not all at once):

-Zoloft

-Some sort of tranquilizer (during treatment to stop my nervous system).

-Xanax

-Prozac

- Some sort of fast acting anti-panic attack (sublingual)


Although these medications can be lifesavers to some people, they all had a common trend with me: I felt like a zombie, I didn't care about anything, I ended up depressed, had horrible weight gain, and killed my libido.



What The?

The thing is, even with my eating disorder, I was never truly depressed- I was anxious and addicted. With each of these medications, my interest in life started to drift and I didn't even know who I was anymore. I remember sitting in front of my mother, and telling her how I felt absolute detachment, a numbness if you will. This psychological numbness was so bad that I could see something traumatic happen in front of me, and not have any reaction at all. I felt nothing, I felt like I was nothing. The medications numbed me out from the world and my problems, but that doesn't solve anything. I was gaining weight rapidly even though I was on a stable, nutritionist prescribe healthy diet, and my sexuality was stifled. This may be TMI, but my body parts literally felt numb- no sensation in my genitals, or any other sensitive part of my body. For the years I took this medication cocktail- my eating disorder faded out through treatment- but my mental state and level of anxiety progressed.



Ironically enough on these medications, I developed severe social anxiety. My last year of middle school, the 9th grade, I convinced my mother to let me finish off the year doing homeschooling. For the three months before that transition, I would wake up terrified to start my day- by the time I got to school, I would be so paralyzed in fear that I would call my mother to come pick me up before 1st period even started. I remember sitting in the school bathroom shaking from the anxiety, yet I still somehow felt so numb- I had lost my purpose, my love for life, and was so stuck in my head and not being able to shake off this feeling of "doom". I was blessed to have my parents support me, and have teachers visit me in my home to help me finish off my school year. When I would voice these thoughts and feelings to my pediatrician, he wouldn't even blink an eye before trying to prescribe me something else. It wasn't until he gave me Zoloft that I finally snapped- for the first time in my life, I had felt suicidal. I told my parents that I am not a suicidal person, and these medications were making me someone I wasn't. My parents agreed, this wasn't life- this was just a blanket of medication to cover up my true potential, even if it came with some anxiety to work through. They helped me ween off my medication, which sadly you have to do since these medications will change your brain chemistry (google how antidepressants work. It will shock you the dependency they can cause).



THE BIG SHIFT

As you would expect, I was an emotional rollercoaster the months that followed due to my brain and body trying to replenish their normal states without the aid or interruption of pharmaceuticals. This was in 2012, when my fathers e-cigarette company was starting to boom, and he had been exploring the idea of carrying CBD. Once my father was educated in the health benefits of CBD for those with anxiety, epilepsy, and so forth- he knew that I had to at least give it a try. What was there to lose? It was natural, didn't cause dependency, and sure as hell didn't get my doctor any richer, and this wouldn't make me a pot head. Like any parents would be, they were at first hesitant to introduce me, a teenage girl, to anything marijuana related (jokes on them, I already experimented a little at this point). My dad obtained a concentrate of CBD oil, put it in a vaporizing pen for me, and told me to take 2-3 puffs of it in the morning when my anxiety was always at its high. There I sat, at 5am shaking from anxiety, and I took my puffs one by one....1...2...3.....



THEN MY LIFE CHANGED FOREVER.


Within 3 puffs, I suddenly had no anxiety- ZERO FUCKING ANXIETY. The best part about it? I wasn't tired, I wa