I know I'm gonna get a flood of DM’s on this one asking me the same thing- why masturbate together when you can just have intercourse?
Well… I mean… Its fun to help someone open their present, but its still pretty satisfying to watch them open it on their own.. If you’re catching my drift.
Mutual masturbation really just means self pleasuring together!
Its fun. Its exciting. Its extremely hot. Its a chance to learn how your partner likes to be pleasured.
Your partner's pleasure is your pleasure
I will never be able to pinpoint why it is so arousing to watch each other self pleasure. Ideally, in my head, its that I love watching my partner experience pleasure. I get to know my partner's body as an observer. We enjoy watching each others techniques, what makes us tick, and obviously the incredible reaction to orgasms.
There is a certain sexual empowerment when you open yourself fully to your partner- let them see every part of your body, let them see you enjoy your own pleasure. When self pleasuring together, you can still be focused on each other to get hot and bothered, and have an absolutely incredible sexual experience together.
Intercourse may not always be an option
There are many times where having intercourse may not be an option for some partners. Like I mentioned, you could be long distance or maybe you are having health problems that could prevent it. The thing is, having sexual experiences is not synonymous with only intercourse- its purely what you make it.
Being together, whether that be through the phone or in person, can be made an intimate and sexual time… trust me. I have had some FaceTime sessions with partners that may have topped actual intercourse. I have definitely self pleasured in front of a partner and found it hotter to watch them in amazement as I helped myself. Believe it or not, there are actually toys that are now aiding in long distance sexual encounters. Some include the We Vibe Sync, which, thanks to a lovely friend, I was able to review with MUCH pleasure.
Although I highly recommend having a partner assist in your self pleasure, it isn’t always an option. Its a great time to get creative with your sexuality- open up your dirty talk, practice looking your partner in the eye, what can you find that turns you on without your partner touching you?
You’re the master of your craft, teach your partner!
I can guarantee you alone know exactly how to touch yourself. I think as a female, we have all faced many times where frankly our partner didn’t know what the hell they were doing down there. As males, this also holds true- no two penises are the same and everyone has a different method.Thats perfectly fine because I don’t expect my partners to be clitoris magicians, let alone the psychic reader or mine! I also don’t expect myself to be the master of all penises- I appreciate direction.
As a sexually confident female, I really have no issue telling my partner exactly how to pleasure me. That can be intimidating for some or kill the mood if your partner feels like your criticizing them vs. giving them direction.
Simply ask your partner to play, to watch you play with yourself. Take it like the live version of a youtube tutorial on how to DIY, the DIY of your pleasure. I personally like to let my partner look at me start to self pleasure, and I tell them exactly what Im doing with my hands or my toy. I find it useful to then ask my partner to try, and throw in pointers here and there.
"Move your fingers a little to the right"
"Flick tongue a little faster"
You get the gist- your partner (if they’re a good one) WANT to pleasure you. They want to know they are doing a good job. When your partner starts to catch onto your technique, vocally acknowledge them and let them know how much you love it!
Have them help you
My partners have always loved watching me help myself. What makes it a better experience? When they help out even at the slightest.
Neck kisses, sucking on nipples, kissing body, hands through hair- these are all such sensitive areas that we usually don’t explore for long during intercourse.
With self pleasuring together, you’re opening up an opportunity to focus in on the small stuff, which for me at least, is much more important than the act itself.
Take your time with your partner and support them while they pleasure themselves.
You got this
Although you may be shy to try this, go ahead and suggest it to your partner. I remember feeling so scared to show my first partner how I self pleasured, and im so thankful he insisted on me doing so. It really did break a wall inside of me and helped me develop as a sexually confident being. Although it may not work for all people, it's a twist on the typical sexual relations you may be having, and I take it as a “Team Bonding” activity.
Share this blog with a friend or partner who you would want to try with, or ask me any questions through email or Instagram. I am more than happy to help!