What if I told you masturbating together could be hotter than fucking each other? Mutual masturbation has an abundance of unseen benefits, and may be the next best thing to keep your sex life exciting. Like opening a present, it’s much hotter to watch someone unwrap their own - if you’re catching my drift.
What is mutual masturbation?
Simply put, it’s masturbating together. I know what you’re thinking… why would I masturbate with my partner when we could just have sex? The thing is, sex wouldn’t be fun if we didn’t partially get off on our partner’s pleasure - which we get to enjoy fully in mutual masturbation.
While sex is team work, mutual masturbation is the sensual art of observation. Still equally as stimulating, you and your partner are building sexual tension of simply watching each other as you touch yourselves. When we come from this deep place of observation, we can open the portal to some really cool ways to connect (and take you to a next level of intimacy).
Seeing your partner in full bliss
Odds are, you’ve probably masturbated in front of your partner in some small capacity. While having sex, has your partner stroked their penis or rubbed their clitoris as they waited for you? While you were inside each other? Played with toys together? The elements are all there, and mutual masturbation will get you comfy with it.
On one side, it’s a chance to feel seen and vulnerable - our partner gets to watch exactly how we get off since we are the master of our own orgasms (hopefully lol). I found that once I got over the initial shyness of having my partner see me in my fullness, there was a satisfying exhibitionist aspect to being watched. While some may get performative knowing they are getting watched, I promise you the hottest thing in the world is to do what naturally gets you off - and it will look just as hot to your partner.
Teach your partner how to touch you
As women we have all faced many times where frankly our partner didn’t know what the hell they were doing down there. As men, this also holds true- no two penises are the same and everyone has a different method. That's perfectly fine because I don’t expect my partners to be clitoris magicians, let alone the psychic reader of mine! I also don’t expect myself to be the master of all penises- I appreciate direction and will often ask for it. I really have no issue telling my partner exactly how to pleasure me but…that can be intimidating for some or kill the mood if your partner feels like your criticizing them vs. giving them direction.
Having your partner watch you play with yourself can be a less intimidating arena for learning, where they can clearly see how you move and react. Take it like the live version of a youtube tutorial on how to DIY, the DIY of your pleasure. I personally like to let my partner look at me start to self pleasure, and I tell them exactly what I"m doing with my hands or my toy. I find it useful to then ask my partner to try, and throw in pointers here and there.
A helping hand
Mutual masturbation can be an observational act, or you can very much make it interactive! In this events, help or have your partner help you with other forms of stimulation as you both masturbate. You’re opening up an opportunity to focus in on the small stuff, which for me at least, is much more important than the act itself.
For example, you can have your partner…
Kiss your neck or suck on your nipples
Massage your neck, back, hips, or thighs
Sit behind you as you play with yourself
Run their hands through your hair
If you’re feeling kinky, have them hold your throat with light choking or maybe add in some light sensation play like spanking.
Take your time with your partner and support them while they pleasure themselves - having you there is such a joy for them, and you!
Intercourse may not be an option
There are many times where having intercourse may not be an option for some partners. Like I mentioned, you could be long distance or maybe you are having health problems that could prevent it. Its a great time to get creative with your sexuality- open up your dirty talk, practice looking your partner in the eye, what can you find that turns you on without your partner touching you? How can you explore this in person or virtually?
Being together, whether that be through the phone or in person, can be made an intimate and sexual time… trust me. I have had some FaceTime sessions with partners that may have topped actual intercourse. I have definitely self-pleasured in front of a partner and found it hotter to watch them in amazement as I helped myself. Believe it or not, there are actually toys that are now aiding in long distance sexual encounters. Some include the We Vibe Sync, which, thanks to a lovely friend, I was able to review with MUCH pleasure.
If intercourse isn’t on the table for physical reasons like pain or abstinence, getting off together is still super sexy and bonding. You can pleasure yourself in a way you know feels good and respects your limits, and still be able to share that pleasure with your partner.
Although you may be shy to try this, go ahead and suggest it to your partner. I remember feeling so scared to show my first partner how I self pleasured, and I'm so thankful he insisted on me doing so. It really did break a wall inside of me and helped me develop as a sexually confident being. It's a twist on the typical sexual relations you may be having, and I take it as a “Team Bonding” activity fam.
Share this blog with a friend or partner who you would want to try with! Stay tuned for upcoming sex coaching, which gives you a chance to work 1:1 with me on your sex & pleasure goals.