As a woman, sometimes it may feel like our partner wants sex much more than we do, or our sex drives just aren’t as high as they could be. The anonymous Instagram question asked was:
“A topic I would like to see covered is getting/being in the mood. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like guys are always ready to hit the bed whereas girls not as much?”
Girl, I definitely feel you. There are times I want absolutely nothing to do with it, and times my husband seems to be fighting me off. I'm feeling sexy and confident, and any chance I can get to do the deed I’m trying. On the flip side, sometimes it feels like your partner is being relentless and it's annoying the crap out of you. Varying sex drives in relationships are totally normal and can depend on a myriad of things like your hormones, quality of sex and relationship, ect. Contrary to the popular belief (that men always want to hit the bed but ladies not so much), you would be surprised that women have just as high of a sex drive if not more. The thing is you never hear too much about it since in society it has been commonly acceptable to validate male sexuality but put down women who vocalize theirs. This in turn does discourage many women from embracing or showing interest in their sexuality.
there is always room for more sexual desire.
Although a lack of sex drive or ability to get in the mood can be something that is as serious as getting treated by a psychologist or doctor, there are a few things to look at (especially as a female) on why your sex drive may not be as high as your partner, or just low in general. Being a highly sexual woman, I would say that my sex drive in totality is sometimes much higher than my husbands- this can come in the form of sex, play, self-pleasure, thinking about it, you name it. Here are 10 things to think about when wanting to boost your sex drive, because trust me babe, you have the potential to have a higher sex drive than any man you meet.
1.Take a look at your medication.
Antidepressants and birth control completely killed my sex drive- once I stopped taking both, my sex drive has been in its absolute prime. Medications also have the ability to mess with your sexual functions, like self lubrication or being able to achieve orgasms. Check if any of your meds interact with libido!
2.What turns you on?
You have to be really real with yourself here- what gets you going? What turns you on to the point that you are fully aroused? Now… are you getting that out of your sexual relationship? Its hard to get in the mood when your experiences don’t even interest you.
3. quality of sex
Tying in with the above, Are you having absolutely amazing sex? Is the sex so good that you look forward to it, and crave it in your spare time and can’t get it out of your head? Do you enjoy and look forward to having sex with your partner? If the answer is no, or you feel pretty “meh” with your sex life: its time to take a step back and see what you can do to spice it up. Why would you Crave sex if its not meeting your needs or giving you any fulfillment or excitement?
4. Self Pleasure
People always get super uneasy with this question- when is the last time you masturbated? Do you masturbate at all? Do you enjoy it and set time apart for yourself? Masturbation is a really great tool to keep a healthy sex drive. It gives you the opportunity to explore what you like, what turns you on, and just completely let go and enjoy yourself. This would definitely be a good topic to expand on in a post of its own, but masturbation has shown wonders in increasing libido and getting you more down with your own body. Masturbation alone has resurrected the sex drive of my last 4 friends who had these issues.
How comfortable are you around the topic of sex and sex with your partner? If you feel shame around sex, or have sexual insecurities/hard time opening up with your partner- this can taper down your sex drive. I definitely recommend working through this with your partner, doing some self love exercises, or if you need more professional help get it- letting lose of any mental blocks can help you keep the desire strong.
6.Stress- the ultimate libido killer
Its ironic because sex is actually a really incredible stress reliever, but stress itself can completely ruin your libido. Next time you’re super stressed out, actually try setting aside some time for sex or self-pleasure and relax- I'm positive that one orgasm a day keeps the negativity away.
This is a given, but having a bad diet with nearly no exercise is bound to cause issues in all aspects of your life, and your sex drive falls in there. Usually with bad diets and lack of physical activity we can get hormone imbalances and energy issues, which isn’t going to allow us to get it on like we want to. My husband and I love working out together, breaking a sweat, and ending off the night with a great play session- try it!
8. Set the scene
Keep yourself in a state of sexy- what makes you feel sexy? In what conditions do you have to be in in order to feel comfortably sexy and ready for some fun? For me, I like a clean apartment, fresh Brazilian wax, etc ect. I sure as hell am not in the mood if I feel under the weather or haven’t done a few things to make me feel comfortable with myself and my surroundings.
9.go with the flow
I cannot stress this enough- sex isn’t a talent show, just go with what feels right! There is a huge amount of individuals that feel pressure around sexual performance and that takes the excitement out of the act, as well as the desire to continue doing it.
10. don't give yourself crap for sometimes not wanting sex.
Ladies or gentlemen, there will be highs and lows in your sex drive- don’t go thinking there is something wrong with you just because you had a stressful week or simply just aren’t feeling it as much as your partner for a couple days. Odds are you are just as normal as everyone else, and there is always room to improve your sexual relationship and drive with some of the above tips!
Seriously you guys, you are all so amazing and it's so fun for me to just write for fun and spread the love and power of sexuality. I also love covering inspirational people and anything fitness/diet/life/ love related- so send those ideas my way: Its easier to connect with you guys. I don’t have any expectations for this blog of mine, I really don’t, other than just speaking my mind and connecting with others. I always get so bored reading blogs that don’t have interesting insight, purpose, lessons…. I have always written, just I choose to share it now. Thank you guys!