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insta q&A: Eye Contact in the bedroom.

PSA: Guys, I am so thankful for each and everyone of your submissions to my Insta @julietachiara. I get it, female sexuality can be hard to talk about openly since its been shunned for 100’s of years, and I hope to change that by putting me and my experiences out there. There is no shame at all in discussing your sexuality or sexual preferences. If you have a problem with me using my website to do so..maybe this isn't the right website for you. You have full control of the content you view on the internet.

Eye contact: This will change your sex life!

Eye contact- seems like a silly concept right? Well guess what- most of us do not make eye contact during sex. Think about it- we are having one of the most intimate moments of pleasure, love, lust- and you aren’t looking your partner in the eye at all? In everyday life, if we fail to make eye contact with the person we are talking to, it often comes off as rude, uninterested, and uncomfortable. 

Personally, eye contact used to make me uncomfortable. I found that my hesitation around it actually stemmed from issues with my self confidence, and it was stifling some really intense shifts in sex with my partner. I didn’t want to make eye contact, I wanted the lights off, I didn’t want to be seen in certain positions, I wanted to cover up, I was worried about some body hair- until my partner said- “During sex I want to see you. I want to see all of you. That’s what I love”. Through time and plenty of eye contact later, I realized what I was missing. I couldn’t believe how incredibly turned on locking eyes with my partner made me: seeing their absolute desire as I presented myself to them, their weaknesses, their pleasures, their love, and trust. Those words changed my life, and that’s how eye contact has become a staple to having a confident and intense sex life for me.


For me, eye contact is an extremely intimate and personal encounter. This doesn’t have to be sexual by any means either, but when i make eye contact with someone it means that I am fully engaged in their presence, and focused on what they are talking about/doing/ wanting. With eye contact I am exuding confidence in myself, while paying respect to said person. I do believe that someone’s eyes can speak a thousand words, and seeing the look on your lovers face while you’re having sex is not only special, but a huge turn on. You’re in the moment and committed to pleasuring each other, which brings me to my next point. 

Being present and mindful

I don’t care who you are, I can bet we have all had a sexual experience where our mind

has been somewhere else. You’re mildly turned on and you’re doing it just to do it, or you got into doggy-style and realized you have a ton of errands to run tomorrow- either way, you’ve had a lapse in sexual presence. Making eye contact during sex completely takes away your busy mind- you’re focused on you and your partner, you’re focused on feeling your body and enjoying yourself. This is so important because sex shouldn’t be something you just “go through the motions", that takes away its fun! 

eye contact is not weird or creepy.

Ladies! So many of you are afraid to make eye contact in fear that your partner will be creeped out by it. GIRL YOU'VE GOT BIGGER ISSUES AT HAND IF YOUR PARTNER DOESN'T LIKE TO LOOK AT YOUR FACE, ESPECIALLY DURING SEX. I would damn well hope no matter what partner you have- husband, lover, friend, fuck-buddy, one night stand- that they want to look at your face. The look of pleasure on your face is creepy..... said no one ever. If your partner has a problem with wanting to look at each other during sex: message me and I will personally try to find you another one. 

Eye contact= Owning your sexuality

Repeat after me: I will never ever ever apologize for my sexuality. Your sexuality is something so powerful and it’s 100% yours. It’s for your benefit and your pleasure, and owning it is one of the most powerful forces in my life. Eye contact is a way of showing yourself and your partner: I own my sexuality, I am confident in my body and my pleasure, and I am committed to pleasuring you and connecting with you as a lover. It may seem a little uncomfortable at first, but it’s something new to try with your partner to add that deeper connection and spice.

The Challenge

This is a whole lot of talk, so let’s walk the walk too. This week I challenge you to make eye contact your priority. In life: make eye contact with strangers: smile, wave, stare if you want. Just try it out at least 3 random times this week. 

During sex, I want you to make eye contact with partner for at least 10 seconds at a time.  Find an amazing position, and look each other in the eye, and go about as you normally would. Have the confidence for just 10 seconds to fully face your partner and make that visual connection- I promise you they will absolutely love it. You may find that maybe you change positions to get closer, maybe the sex gets hotter, and for some they experience a flood of emotion. 

Keep me updated on your bedroom progress! Message me any time through my email ( or my Insta @julietachiara. All your messages are strictly confidential and appreciated.

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