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Happy, confident head: oral sex, why you should have it, and my thoughts.

Now we are all adults here I really don’t feel the need to have to explain oral sex is but for those of you who may not be sure, it’s basically stimulating sexual actions with your mouth. You can go ahead and call it whatever you want, giving head eating out sitting on someone’s face, fellatio, whatever works for you. But what about oral sex? Well… It’s really really fun. I am excited to start unfolding this part of sexuality on my blog!

Oral sex is sex 

Many people on my Instagram poll seem to want to argue this with me, but the reason oral sex is considered sex well… There’s a number of reasons. Not all people have sex the way you do. Not all people are physically able, or comfortable, having penetrative sex. If you’re idea of sex is still a penis in a vagina in order to procreate- you aren’t seeing the bigger picture.


You have to keep in mind that there are couples that do not have penetrative sex for one reason or another. Maybe they want to save penetrative sex for marriage, maybe one of the partners experienced trauma so they don’t feel comfortable with penetrative sex, or flat out one of them might just not like it. You must also keep in mind our same sex, non-binary, or trans couples who do not have penetrative sex.  For example, some trans men will still continue to enjoy penetration, while others may not because it causes dysphoria- make sense? There are also many disabilities that would make penetrative sex unfeasable- but that doesn’t make these people unsexual. We are all sexual beings with the dire need to connect- it’s what we were born to do. In my eyes, I see sex as a bodily and mental bonding where pleasure is derived for both parties- which can be done in many ways. If we can’t connect in a penetrative manner, or we don’t want to, we can still have incredibly sexual and orgasmic experiences with each other. 

Happy head

A follower of mine noted that heterosexual couples find oral sex to be overly erotic. While that may be true considering heterosexual couples have a good deal of penetrative sex, i don’t think that undermines just how incredible it is. 

Ironically enough, I had penetrative sex before I explored oral sex- and what a shame that was! Some of my most intense sexual experiences have been from oral sex alone- in fact, my first orgasm during sex was brought about through oral. I’ll be the first to say there is nothing more magical than a partner who knows what they are doing with their mouth. 

I can see why many individuals and especially heterosexual couples are very vague oral sex- men are taught that going down on someone is gross, and women are taught that giving head is degrading and nasty. As someone who  treasures oral sex more than any other kind of sex, I find this to be completely absurd.

Oral sex is not gross, on the contrary, it is something I crave. I find it very empowering to give and receive, considering it feminist AF to be confident and consensual in your sexuality. This very repressing view comes from a myriad of social constructs- conservative parents, religion, educational lies- but you know, sitting on someones face never disappointed me.

Giver and the Receiver

Given the double standard, I have felt that its sometimes taboo for women to express that they love receiving, and giving oral sex. That a woman may be “asking for too much” when wanting oral, or a slut for giving oral. I really don’t understand why going down on a woman would be considered some sort of special “treat” during a sexual experience- this isn’t your once a year anal fellas. 

As women we have unlimited potentials with our vaginas- and in my experience, they are all activated best with oral sex. When our partner kisses around our thighs, licks around our vulva, and finds steady pressure on the clitoris (maybe a curved G spot finger for fun)…. Your eyes might roll into the back of your head. A post to come on some techniques since going down on girls is the best. 

Loving giving head as a woman is no problem at all- there is something so satisfying about being able to give your partner an orgasmic experience. Whether that be teasing the tip, incorporating a hand, or learning how to deep throat- as long as youre having fun too, why not?

When giving oral on a vagina, I have found that many partners rave about how much they crave it- and find it more enjoyable to give and watch their partner in bliss- which leads me to my next point. 

A selfless act 

My favorite part about oral sex- its your time to fully enjoy yourself! I love that we get to surrender to our partners and fully accept the pleasure they are giving us. So often do we feel the need to perform and reciprocate, that we may lose focus on our own feelings in the process. When a partner wants to give you oral, RECEIVE RECEIVE RECEIVE. I find that in a position like 69, although really fun, sometimes its very hard to give at the same time you are receiving- which I isn’t bad… your partner is doing such a good job you can’t focus! Get in tune with your body- let them know when they are doing a good job!

This is a fun time to fine tune oral techniques and tell your partner what feels good, what is your favorite technique of theirs, and to ACCEPT pleasure without always needing to reciprocate. What I personally have found with oral is that its a great way to get confident in your genitals- I used to be so weird about someone looking at my vulva straight on, or was curious to look at my partners penis in depth. Developing confidence in your genitals takes your sexuality to a whole new level, which we will also explore!

For the future

In the next couple blogs, I would love to share more on techniques and mentality when it comes to oral. Submit any suggestions through my DM’s on Instagram @julietachiara.

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