good head: vagina edition
Now that I'm nearing the end of my finals, I get to do my favorite thing: write endlessly about sex and my experiences, which you all seem to enjoy!
Growing up, I remember grabbing Cosmo magazines and always seeing the sex tip section, but noticed something super annoying: it was always aimed at men's pleasure when it comes to oral sex.
This isn’t to put down penis owners, as a blowjob post will come later- we love giving head too!
We are special too
The thing is, oral sex for women isn’t all that common- I grew up hearing men squabble about how going down on girls is gross or wrong, and that they refuse to do it but expect the same in return. I'm pretty sure I didn’t receive oral sex until my 3rd or 4th sexual partner, who still didn’t know what he was doing and would only be down there for about two minutes- as if that was going to set anything off.
It wasn’t until my adult relationships that I experienced good head, and being confident enough to ask for it. I had witnessed all my life that guys must not like going down on girls, but quite the contrary- men well versed in sexuality, who are taught to care about women’s pleasure, can do some magical work down there. In fact, it wasn’t until one of these relationships that I had my first orgasm through any partnered interaction- I just assumed that no guy was able to get me off!
The first couple times I was with women, I definitely, 100% had no idea what I was doing and I realized- this is what many men feel, but are too afraid to ask for direction. Everybody is so different in how they receive and want pleasure, and I definitely felt intimidated going into unknown waters when exploring my sexuality. Feeling like a baby deer learning how to walk, I eagerly asked for direction and encouragement- I never want to let my partners down. Although I did have an advantage- owning a vagina, I at least had some idea of what felt good. On the flip side, being with women is sometimes easier- we know each others pleasure points and have a broader sense of play, since penetration isn't always part of the equation.
Now, as a lady who loves to sit on faces, I can tell you that oral sex is essential for my stimulation: and I'm sure that many of you can agree with me. If you haven’t received a ton of oral sex, its totally okay! Keep reading, and lets find ways to make it part of your sex life.
Some Cardinal Rules before I give y’all some tips:
The Double standard
This may sound harsh but…. If your partner refuses to go down on you but expects the same, You are experiencing the double standard and I would run for the hills. It's direct I know, but in my experience I have never had a long lasting relationship with someone who wasn’t willing to deliver head, let alone phenomenal head, just like I did.
Communication As I stress so hard in all my posts, getting oral is about communication- I know in the past I was way too shy or self conscious to ask for it. When it happened, I was too shy to direct my partner. If you aren’t receiving oral sex, I would like to direct you to my blog on asking your partner for something new. When having your partner give you oral- communicate through it, make it fun! Tell them what feels good, what motion of the tongue is right, if you want a finger inserted, ect. 9/10 a partner may not know what they are doing down there unless you tell them.
Not all Pussies are created equal
There isn’t the one grand, orthodox way to perform oral sex. What works for one person may not work for the next! I think it is great to experiment with numerous techniques and feelings.
Don’t be self conscious
Women get self conscious over their natural odor/taste. Don’t do dumb things like try to douche or eat 5lbs of pineapple- you will ruin your vagina’s PH and consume unnecessary carbs. Vaginas are self cleaning organisms that are meant to have a unique smell and taste that can change throughout your cycle. Of course, being clean is never a bad thing- simply rinse off your vagina with water- as referenced in my blog for intimate cleansing. You would be surprised to know that our partners are usually turned on when they smell our natural scent, and want nothing but to burrow their face into you.
The juicy stuff
Pay attention to the vulva and surrounding areas
When going down on a vulva, don’t just focus on the clitoris. Try kissing around the thighs, and running your mouth around the entire vulva to get things started.
Using your tongue, practice different pressures and patterns around her clitoris- ask her what feels good!
Try flicking of the tongue, swirling in circles, up and down motion, sucking- some women like a lighter touch, while others will like a high pressure approach.
Use a finger to stimulate the G spot. The clitoris is not just what you see on the outside, but is a massive gland that can be stimulated internally as well. Using 1-2 fingers and curving slight upwards, suck or produce motion on her clitoris while rhythmically using your fingers to stroke the G spot in a “come hither” motion. This produces pressure from the inside and outside!
Don’t be afraid of toys!Getting head and a vibrator/dil is unbelievable and we won’t be disappointed. You can hold a vibrator on the clit while you stimulate their vulva/clit at the same time with your tongue, or penetrate with a toy at the same time.
If wanted, do not ignore the butt! Getting anal stimulation is an amazing experience when it comes to head. If wanted, provided oral stimulation to the anus while going down- the mix of sensations is outrageously amazing.
Try different positions: While you can lay on your back to receive your pleasure, I like to experiment with all positions. A few fun ones are
Sit on their face: Well not literally, unless they really want to die a happy death from suffocation. Gently hover over their face and let them Guide how comfortably they can position you. Depending on your partner, they could ask you to grind on their face- I mean, lets do it.
69: The duo pleasure, although I recommend women let themselves sit back and receive pleasure vs. being expected to perform. It can be hard to let loose!
Doggy style Get on all 4s, and I like to get on my elbows so my partner can directly stimulate me from behind- this also leaves easy access for anal stimulation as well.
Last but not least, Do it while your'e having sex!
Take breaks for head, and mix up the pleasure points. For example, have your partner penetrate you doggy style, and then give you head from behind for a couple minutes before penetrating you again. Mixing up your pleasure can create excitement and build up of climax!