Being hardwired by society to avoid taboo topics seems to be normal - but what happens when those taboos turn you on? The scary, the strange, the hypocritical, the “wrong” can light an interesting (and controversial) fire inside of us. While we are told to look away, I’m inviting you to lean into the taboo using the power of kink.
What is the taboo?
Embarking on this blog, I think it’s incredibly important to note that what’s “taboo” is really dependent on a person, culture, and environment. This means that our individual threshold of “taboo” can wildly fluctuate, and I try to be as respectful as possible when it comes to that.
I like to personally define the taboo as things that are seen as “wrong” within the given societal or personal structure we have. For example, a very taboo topic we frequently see in kink is Sadism & Masochism since it’s labeled as wrong to hurt or enjoy hurting someone.
Some common themes of kink that would completely be within a societies taboos include…
Taboo role-plays like Consensual Non-Consent, age play, and acting like an animal
Actions that leave marks like bruises, cuts, burns
Forcefulness, roughness, and aggression
Choking, hitting, and slapping
Using toys & tools
Bodily fluids like urine, blood, and more
Things that disgust us
*I need to make a heavy disclaimer that some taboo urges should not be pursued, and some can queue a person needing professional help. If a taboo urge, acted out, would take away consent from a person or being that can’t give you consent (like animals or children) that needs to be addressed since it’s dangerous.
Why does the taboo turn us on?
For the saucy part - if all the above sounds very intense and taboo… why the fuck does it turn us on? Why would these actions that would be so fucking wrong in our normal day to day life be the things that absolutely thrill us in the bedroom?
The good news: You’re normal and we all have taboo things that turn us on.
The bad news: There isn’t a concrete reason as to why the taboo makes you wet with excitement.
Breaking the “Rules” feels exciting.
It’s so wrong but it feels soooooo right! Do you remember being a teen and your parents would tell you what you couldn’t do… and it made you want to do it more? Same concept when it comes to your taboo fantasies. Why do you think the most popular porn right now is step brother/sister dynamics? IT’S TABOO AS FUCK - and interesting to see how your body responds to the thrill.
There is a certain thrill and adrenaline rush when we indulge in doing the dirty - even sometimes at the expense of our own morals. We may fantasize about taboos like...
Touching yourself in public
Sexting during a business meeting
Sleeping with your boss or professor
Group sex (when we are told monogamy is the gold standard)
Breaking gender “norms” like letting a woman dominate a man
Homosexual acts (especially if you came from a place of religion)
Being someone’s pet or object
Letting someone be your master or having someone be your “slave"
A personal taboo kink of mine would mainly be my degradation kink: As a very strong, confident, and powerful woman… I love being degraded in the bedroom. I get off on someone putting me in my place, belittling me, and treating me like a sex object. Any other instance I would probably punch you in the face… but if I consent to it, I am your *slutty* puddle to be had.
Past Experiences + Traumas
Human psychology is a funny thing because instead of avoiding the traumas we’ve experienced, we may actually crave them. That may sound daunting, but it’s quite logical. Let me break it down:
Many kinks can stem from trauma that revolve primarily around topics like sexual assault, neglect, or emotional abuse. While we never want those things to happen to us ever again, there is usually a need in most folks to want to “close the chapter” or have control in a narrative where they were once powerless. Through consensual and thoughtful kink, folks with trauma can reenact these traumas safely on their own terms, reclaiming their power in a healing form. They can also rewire the neural pathways that once caused pain and alchemize them into feelings like pleasure, safety, and wholeness in one’s self.
On a lighter note, there could be past experiences that shape a kink like cheating. A common kink for many that have been cheated on is being cucked, aka watching their current partner get fucked by someone else and being taunted over it.
I invite you to listen to the latest podcast I did with Jane Lyon on being Queer & Kinky, where we have a candid discussion about Consensual Non-Consent aka the rape fantasy & why it’s one of the most common fantasies in women.
Aside from the heavy explanations, the taboo can be appealing because it’s actually fun & super sensational. Spanking? Whipping? Slapping? Hair-pulling? Nipple pinching? All this stuff literally FEELS GOOD when you’re turned on, and there’s nothing taboo with pursuing that.
You’re normal babe.
Wanting to indulge our taboo fantasies isn’t wrong, in fact I invite you to lean into them through kink. This naughtiness, this “wrong”, this “hush hush” also doesn’t mean something is wrong with you - it means you’re human AF, and your complexity is something to explore. Within the boundaries of kink, we can safely explore most of our taboo fantasies in a way that gets you off and doesn’t fuck up the constrains of society.
Yes, you can wear a butt plug and call your partner daddy while being a good mom and taking your kids to school.
In my new online course Discovering Kink, I teach my babes how to navigate the world of kink ethically and be able to play out the taboos in a safe and exciting way. To take those kinky teachings to the next level, I give you 40+ ways to integrate kink into your dynamics, seeing which ones become your favorites. I hope to see you there!