Degrade me please: BDSM Degradation

What is Degradation?



BDSM is a multifaceted world of play, methods, and feelings- with many of it’s most powerful actions being psychological. As a submissive woman who doesn’t really like intense pain, playing with my psychological senses is absolutely thrilling. Our psychological stimulation is directly correlated with our physical reactions, meaning that we can accomplish a lot by simply tickling this heavy head of ours. 


Degradation is exactly what is sounds like; to degrade, to be degraded. To be disrespected, and to made feel like less than or objectified. This is not to be confused with humiliation, which would be classified as embarrassment or deep feelings of inadequacy. 


Degrading someone in a BDSM context is incredibly powerful, if not one of the top representations of power. Of course, this is all done in the correct setting. If you aren’t familiar with dominance and submission, I recommend you read my previous blog as a prelude here


The Dynamics of Degradation

The point of degradation in BDSM is to belittle or disrespect someone into a healthy headspace of being less than, not human (an object, an animal, a tool). Their Dom can than hold more power over them, and help them surrender into a deeper submissive role. 


Of all people, why would I, a very hard headed, feminist woman like being degraded during sex? Every person’s journey with BDSM is subjective and looks different- including my own. I like to be degraded during sex, in a very particular manner that is within my boundaries.



Degradation comes in 100’s of forms, including mentally and physically. You can make someone act as a dog or a piece of furniture, you can order someone to silence. 


I am choosing to share my personal preference and experience for better context. 


While being physically submissive is a huge release, so is being psychologically taken over. I am a controlling, dominant bitch in my everyday life. The odds of you getting away with saying something disrespectful to me during normal daytime hours is close to non, and I will on the flip side use my intense psychology skills to ruin you. My manipulation skills are impeccable, so finding someone that can beat me and use it to their sexual advantage is incredibly sexy. 


My boundaries with degradation is that said statements are incredibly superficial, and never an attack on my personal character or appearance. I like when my dominant can objectify me, and make me more of a sexual object of play.


While my Dom can say 

1. “You are a worthless slut for me to use”

They can’t say 

2. “You are incredibly dumb and have too much fat on your hips”. 

Statement one is my Dom disrespecting me, and lowering me “to my place” on what my role will be during our sexual play. That they will be “using” me, that I am the object, and I am for their pleasure. I find that incredibly hot, and I have no control. Yay!



The second statement is a direct violation of my boundaries, and would violate my headspace. It’s too personal for me, and would affect the way I truly feel about myself. This can be someones turn on, but it isn’t mine. 


While I would love to be someones useful slut for an hour, I sure as hell refuse to identify as dumb or have my looks attacked. It’s all in context, and all in the boundaries you place!


The ethics behind degradation



Ethical BDSM is about laying out all the cards and being able to discuss boundaries, limits, and requests so that you and your partner can explore this play and keep a healthy headspace/ physical body. Some argue that it isn’t ethical to degrade someone in a sexual setting, but it’s all about consent. If you consent and ask for something to be done to you during sex… it doesn’t matter what it is. Its valid, and ethical because you consented to it and it makes you happy.


The psychology behind degradation


As stated above, there is a psychological thrill when not being in control, or feeling that someone is more powerful than you. This can more so be present in people who have controlling tendencies in their waking life, which can then be relaxed during power play. When consenting to this play and exploring your boundaries, you see that this isn’t psychologically harmful and can actually be empowering.


Of course, there are many slip ups where folks don’t communicate properly. Without proper communication and boundary setting, there is potential to hurt someone emotionally or traumatize them. 



Many of us carry forms of trauma because of how we were spoken to in the past.



Don’t ever underestimate the power of your words, and where that can take someone. When discussing boundaries, it’s also important to discuss past traumas so you don’t say something that can trigger them. For example, I almost died of an eating disorder. When I'm degraded, a hard boundary is any talk in degrading my physical appearance. If someone were to degrade my physical appearance, it would completely turn me off and emotionally hurt me. 


On the flip side, Dominant can also have boundaries with what they are comfortable saying. A Dom may not feel comfortable degrading you in certain ways, and that's totally okay.


Finding middle ground is key!


Steps to Identifying Healthy Degradation



  • Before anything, identify your boundaries. What are things or topics that are absolutely off limits for your partner to refer to when degrading you?

  • Your BDSM role can greatly contribute to how you are degraded. Do you like to act like a kitty so your partner can treat you like one. Are you a brat, and your partner can say dirty things to you as a brat tamer? Do you like being objectified, so your partner can say things to dehumanize you? If you can clearly define your role, you can find better ways to discover what degradation techniques are best for you. 

  • Make a list of things that potentially interest you. Is it hot when your partner calls you a whore? Do you get turned on when your partner tells you to act like an animal? Do you like it when your partner demands you to do things? 

  • Identify your partners boundaries. See how far they are comfortable going, and hear out any thoughts and concerns. 

  • If you are unsure what interests you, make a list of things you would like to try. It’s safe to try new things when you know it’s experimentation, and from there you can decide whether that felt good or not for you. 

  • As much as we like to believe our partners can just whip out spontaneous gold, they aren’t mind readers. During sex or play, tell them when you are liking something they are doing. Positive reinforcement goes a long way without compromising a sub/dom state. 


Aftercare:

Just as much as we stress aftercare in physical BDSM play, it’s crucial to have in psychological play. Aftercare is like the conclusion chapter to a book, which ends the story. Your play has as clear start, and also needs a clear and defined finish.



During psychological aftercare, you can reassure your submissive of how good they did and give compliments to their strengths as a human, and how much you appreciate them trusting you. You can act kindly towards them like physical touch, making them food, starting them a bath, etc. to make them feel humanized and valued again.


Simple acts like these help gently bring people out of their sub headspace, concluding a great session of play.