You wake up, turn off your alarm, and start to scroll through Instagram- and then it all hits you like a slap in the face:
The beautiful fit women, the VS Models, the plastic surgery pages, the perfect pout, Massive fake breasts on a thin body, perfect skin, the Insta famous woman living the luxurious life traveling and modeling bikinis, ect.
All of a sudden, you haven't even been awake for 20 minutes before you feel inferior. The day goes on, and every scroll you take worsens your mood. Why don't I look like this? Why don't I have this life? I would be happier if I looked a certain way? Do you envy someone so much you almost hate them? You don't feel good enough, you think your life is shit, and you feel trapped in your reality.
I am here to tell you that you are completely self sabotaging yourself with comparison.
Being a recovered anorexic, comparison can really hit me hard. Although I am recovered, that doesn't mean that my self image isn't still an issue- I just know its not worth killing myself over. I would scroll and scroll, and see these absolutely magical women- perfection, and smiling with pure bliss. I would think to myself once I get my breast augmentation, my life is going to be perfect. I am going to be a beautiful woman and not be so anxious or deal with stress. Fast forward to getting my augmentation + spending lots of money, I was extremely happy with my results- but my issues did not go away. I wasn't really any more confident than I was without them, The only thing that changed was I could rock some really risky tops and bodysuits on some nights out, but that was it. I was in pain, I couldn't work out, after a night out without wearing a bra I would go home and cry as I massaged my sore and painful breasts, the complications kept stacking. In fact, getting plastic surgery only enhanced the issues I had with my self image. It was so easy to just go under the knife and change yourself, so why not do it? After my augmentation, I became infatuated with wanting to get a nose job to remove the hump on my bridge, since I wanted to have a perfectly straight nose like those girls on Instagram. I had in fact booked a appointment to get filler put in my nose as a "non surgical nose job" to straighten it out, as well as put some filler in my lips to fill out the lines and make them even. When I told my husband this, he forced me to cancel my appointment with the exact words "stop what you're doing, I am not going to let you ruin your face".
My husband was absolutely right- why was I going to such measures to change everything about myself? No one in this world has ever said anything negative about my nose other than myself. I naturally have massive lips, yet I was going to try and enhance them for no good reason other than trying to look like someone else. I kept getting more and more frustrated with my breasts complications, even after having a revision surgery. I was kept up many nights wondering why Instagram girls didn't go through these issues and why my recovery and experience wasn't perfect. I was helpless and stranded wondering why I wasn't perfect.
I had fallen victim to the slippery slope of comparison.
Comparison in a way is inevitable- in psychology comparison is a way to make your self concept by "comparing" where you're at with your life and abilities with someone else. This comparison gives you an idea about how you are, maybe somethings you want to do better in, or things you're doing much better in than your "comparison". The problem is, comparison paired with social media and unrealistic expectations/realities is a personal set up for failure. There is always going to be someone you find to be more beautiful, more fit, more joyous, more skilled, and you feel like you are at the bottom of this social media food chain. We have been conditioned to not use comparison as a means of motivation and advancement, but as a means of self destruction. Through comparing myself to others, I had demeaned who I was as a person to a 0 and was willing to do anything I thought would make me "happier".
What you see on Instagram is all bullshit ladies, and here is why.
You cannot logically compare yourself to another person.
You will never be another person, physically or mentally. Even if you are identical twins, you will still have differences. It makes no sense for me, a 5 foot 9 tall brunette woman to compare myself to a shorter, blonde woman. Why? BECAUSE IT WILL NEVER BE PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE. Each persons look incorporates so many different things- genetics, composition, activity, diet, plastic surgery, body modifications, ect. It is impossible for you to strive to be someone else, which is why you need to focus on being THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF. You only have the ability and autonomy to improve yourself. This is why it is so important to start loving and respecting who you are. There can never be a copy of you, and that is such a beautiful thing. In a world of 7 billion people you have something unique and different to offer. If you are going to compare yourself to someone, compare to your past self and see how far you've come.
Even those women are not perfect.
Those perfect girls you wish to be? Guess what? They may look like they are living lavish but guess what you don't see? You don't see the plastic surgery complications, you don't see the sugar daddies, you don't see the school dropouts, you don't see that they have horrible relationships, you don't see their life struggles, you don't see life aspirations or actual impacts on the world other than just "looking good".These women may actually be the most unhappy, insecure, and lonely people in the world- but they won't tell you that through the filters. Sure, to society you may look good, but what do they truly have to offer? Looks are nothing short of a blanket cover for some really really undesirable lives and traits.
Comparison is stifling your progress.
All too often in the midst of comparison and obsession, you are losing precious time in improving yourself. Have you spent hours looking at womens profiles? Fixating on a body part you hate? Sulking in your bed wondering why your life isn't better? Guess what- you are wasting your time ruining your mental health when you could be working towards the best version of you. You could have been writing, exercising, doing a relaxing yoga class, enjoying your times with friends, or doing anything to improve your current state of life. I used to get so overwhelmed watching these beautiful women get famous for no reason, that I would get anxiety and just not do anything with my creative thoughts and dreams. I used to think "what do I have to offer to this world?" "why would anyone care about what I have to say?" "I won't be successful because I am not good enough". This kind of self- talk is completely destructive and has prevented me from having the confidence to pursue things I truly have interest in, all out of the mental blocks I put upon myself.
Happiness and Feeling Yourself is a Mindset.
Happiness is not how you look. Happiness is not having bigger boobs, bigger lips, a straighter nose, or living at the beach with a coconut in your hand. Happiness is how you view your life and yourself on a constant basic. You have every power in the world to cut the bullshit, find joy in your life, and love yourself. Have you ever met someone so confident, happy, and bold and thought to yourself "Damn, that was such an amazing and beautiful person"? . I am getting over this hump with self love- I repeat daily affirmations and look myself in the mirror: "Self, I love my strong, resilient body. I have badass breast scars and a beautiful nose. I embrace my body, sexuality, and natural look- for it is only a small but wonderful part of who I am as a whole. I have amazing things to offer this world, and confidence is much more beautiful than visual looks." I used to feel so fucking weird talking to myself positively- as if I was being vain or self-centered: referring to #1, there is only one of you! BE SELFISH AND LOVE IT. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving who you are and feeling sexy or at peace with your physical image.
Make the change.
Switch your Comparison with Celebration and Motivation.
This was the turning point to help me have a healthy relationship with social media. I went through my friends list and unfollowed anybody that wasn't of use to my well being. I was done following or even looking at pages of people who just "look good". After purging my social media, I made the biggest mental breakthrough of my life.
I am only going to follow women, and people, who absolutely inspire me. People who are strong, kind, motivational, enthusiastic, beautiful, funny, and have something to offer this world. I mindfully decided to not compare myself, but rather celebrate these amazing people and get motivated to better myself. I started to love myself, and be motivated to show others the same. I want to be so busy celebrating others and myself that I am overwhelmed in joy and love, vs anxiety and disappointment. I have made it a priority to reach out to people and be nice, kind, and offer support. This shift in mentality is the reason I got the balls to even make this website and share my passion of life, love, and female empowerment and sexuality. Is it a work in progress? Of course, I could never imagine sharing my life and self image the way I am now. I could never imagine I would be confident enough to say "This is who I am, this is what I look like. Take it or leave it, I love it." I am a busy student most the time: but I have a dream, and hopes for the future, and I have truly been feeling myself on a spiritual and physical level.
Don't let yourself kill your own shine. You seriously have something so unique and important as one person- take pride in that, and show yourself some love. Don't change what you look like, don't change who you are to fit into some box that someone else created- build your own box that you can thrive in.
End Rant. xoxo- Julieta