• Julieta Chiara

Comparing=Self Sabotage


You wake up, turn off your alarm, and start to scroll through Instagram- and then it all hits you like a slap in the face:

The beautiful fit women, the VS Models, the plastic surgery pages, the perfect pout, Massive fake breasts on a thin body, perfect skin, the Insta famous woman living the luxurious life traveling and modeling bikinis, ect.



All of a sudden, you haven't even been awake for 20 minutes before you feel inferior. The day goes on, and every scroll you take worsens your mood. Why don't I look like this? Why don't I have this life? I would be happier if I looked a certain way? Do you envy someone so much you almost hate them? You don't feel good enough, you think your life is shit, and you feel trapped in your reality.


I am here to tell you that you are completely self sabotaging yourself with comparison.


Being a recovered anorexic, comparison can really hit me hard. Although I am recovered, that doesn't mean that my self image isn't still an issue- I just know its not worth killing myself over. I would scroll and scroll, and see these absolutely magical women- perfection, and smiling with pure bliss. I would think to myself once I get my breast augmentation, my life is going to be perfect. I am going to be a beautiful woman and not be so anxious or deal with stress. Fast forward to getting my augmentation + spending lots of money, I was extremely happy with my results- but my issues did not go away. I wasn't really any more confident than I was without them, The only thing that changed was I could rock some really risky tops and bodysuits on some nights out, but that was it. I was in pain, I couldn't work out, after a night out without wearing a bra I would go home and cry as I massaged my sore and painful breasts, the complications kept stacking. In fact, getting plastic surgery only enhanced the issues I had with my self image. It was so easy to just go under the knife and change yourself, so why not do it? After my augmentation, I became infatuated with wanting to get a nose job to remove the hump on my bridge, since I wanted to have a perfectly straight nose like those girls on Instagram. I had in fact booked a appointment to get filler put in my nose as a "non surgical nose job" to straighten it out, as well as put some filler in my lips to fill out the lines and make them even. When I told my husband this, he forced me to cancel my appointment with the exact words "stop what you're doing, I am not going to let you ruin your face".

WTF

My husband was absolutely right- why was I going to such measures to change everything about myself? No one in this world has ever said anything negative about my nose other than myself. I naturally have massive lips, yet I was going to try and enhance them for no good reason other than trying to look like someone else. I kept getting more and more frustrated with my breasts complications, even after having a revision surgery. I was kept up many nights wondering why Instagram girls didn't go through these issues and why my recovery and experience wasn't perfect. I was helpless and stranded wondering why I wasn't perfect.


I had fallen victim to the slippery slope of comparison.


Comparison in a way is inevitable- in psychology comparison is a way to make your self concept by "comparing" where you're at with your life and abilities with someone else. This comparison gives you an idea about how you are, maybe somethings you want to do better in, or things you're doing much better in than your "comparison". The problem is, comparison paired with social media and unrealistic expectations/realities is a personal set up for failure. There is always going to be someone you find to be more beautiful, more fit, more joyous, more skilled, and you feel like you are at the bottom of this social media food chain. We have been conditioned to not use comparison as a means of motivation and advancement, but as a means of self destruction. Through comparing myself to others, I had demeaned who I was as a person to a 0 and was willing to do anything I thought would make me "happier".

What you see on Instagram is all bullshit ladies, and here is why.


You cannot logically compare yourself to another person.

You will never be another person, physically or mentally. Even if you are identical twins, you will still have differences. It makes no sense for me, a 5 foot 9 tall brunette woman to compare myself to a shorter, blonde woman. Why? BECAUSE IT WILL NEVER BE PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE. Each persons look incorporates so many different things- genetics, composition, activity, diet, plastic surgery, body modifications, ect. It is impossible for you to strive to be someone else, which is why you need to focus on being THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF. You only have the ability and autonomy to improve yourself. This is why it is so important to start loving and respecting who you are. There can never be a copy of you, and that is such a beautiful thing. In a world of 7 billion people you have something unique and different to offer. If you are going to compare yourself to someone, compare to your past self and see how far you've come.


Even those women are not perfect.