Anal, anal, anal… did I say anal?
Anal sex isn’t something we don’t talk about in public anymore, in fact I love how casually it has finally become. I remember being younger and seeing anal as something I had to be quiet about when expressing my own experience. I saw anal as the next level, the next sacred step in a sexual relationship- when honestly, it is just another form of sex.
While many would never consider trying anal, they would be surprised to know that it is actually one of the most sensitive sexual areas in your body- that can bring you next level bliss under the right circumstances. My problem with anal is that porn has made it seem as some easy thing that you can do whenever, some sort of anal on command.
I am here to tell you, there is no such thing as good anal on command.
Porn doesn’t show you cleaning practices, foreplay to warm you up, relaxation techniques, body movements, aftercare, etc. Good anal is conscious, healthy, and prepared anal- so what is the best way to teach this to my lovely readers?
In honor of Pride Month, I interviewed one of my gay best friends, Mason Emery.
“Sex is a beautiful thing, why rush it”, Mason said to me as we talked about all things anal in a very small, quiet coffee shop. It’s true, sex is a beautiful thing- and anal requires the upmost patience and technique in order to get it right. I have known Mason for just about my entire adult life, and I would dare call him a twin flame considering our incredible similarities and passions towards sex.
As a straight woman who has had plenty of anal, I still feel like there is so much to learn. When it comes to anal, the act itself is not exclusive to the gay community- everyone, literally everyone, can enjoy anal play. As I said before, porn has done everyone, especially women, the disservice of portraying anal as something quick and easy to do. Good anal takes time, preparation, and incredible amounts of lube.
First Step: Cleaning out
Cleaning out involves cleansing your rectum, or the first initial part of your large intestine when passing your anal sphincter. The most common, and healthy way to do this is by simply doing a water enema. When I was an anal newb, I was a complete dumbass and gave myself an actual enema- leaving my digestive track pretty fucked up for a couple days- DO NOT DO A REAL ENEMA.
Mason’s favorite cleaning recommendation actually works a dual purpose, getting you warmed up for anal at the same time as cleaning. I love that he expressed the cleaning process as a process of getting to know your body, and starting to get comfortable with handling your own ass. Mason likes to cleanse by using raw coconut oil: “Get a chunk of coconut oil, insert, let it dissolve, and push it out- a great beginners to anal stimulation since your are learning to handle your body. Also, preps the area to smell and taste like coconuts”.
I agree with Mason, a crucial first step to anal is knowing how to touch yourself comfortably- and the cleaning process does just that. Alongside his method, one of the most common methods people use is a water enema.
There are a myriad of products you can buy to give yourself a water enema, but Mason recommends using a baby nasal pump. Filling the pump up with warm water, you can comfortably stand in the shower or sit on the toilet, gently slip in the applicator, and slowly release the water inside of yourself. Hold for a few seconds, and then release- repeat this process until there is no more feces in the release process. Baby nasal pumps act as comfortable applicators, and also don’t overshoot water into your bowels. When you shoot water too far deep into your bowels, you can actually stimulate them more vs clean out your rectum.
When you finally start passing fully clear water, congratulations! You are ready for some wholesome anal play.
Lubrication & Safety
I cannot express enough how important using lubricant is for anal. Your rectum does not create lubrication, and the skin around the anus (as well as your rectal tissue) is incredibly sensitive and prone to injury. I like to keep a bottle handy, because you will need to apply lubricant more than once to keep things comfortable, slippery, and fun. Try out Uberlube for a silicone based, or Intimate Earth's Antibacterial Anal lube for a water base from Medamour! To keep yourself extra lubricated, use a lube launcher to apply lube on deep into the rectum as well.
Possible Injuries include
-Anal fissures (most worrisome) lining of splinter has been torn and takes a long time to heal
-Hemorrhoids: inflammation of veins
-Tears on anus or surrounding skin
-Higher risk of STD transmission due to delicate tissue, use protection.
All the above injuries can be avoided with proper lubrication, adequate warming up, and of course- proper penetration. I recommend using a condom as a safety barrier, especially if you’re with a multiple partners. Condoms are also convenient because they make an easy clean up should there be an accident.
While you have lightly warmed yourself up in the cleaning process, anal warm up is no joke: to avoid pain and potential injury, you must take your time until you feel 100% comfortable. Your sphincter is one of the strongest muscles in your body, and you must relax it during the “warm up” process.
If you’re still nervous about attempting any sort of penetration, rimming is a good starting point at any point in your sexual experience. Your anus is incredibly sensitive, and rimming can introduce you to the bliss that is anal stimulation. As Mason suggested, applying a little bit of coconut oil can help relax the area and also add in great scent and taste- but is not needed.
My favorite way to receive rimming is by being doggy style or lightly sitting on my partners face. Have them spread your butt cheeks apart so they can comfortably fit their face, and have them use their tongue to gently outline your rim. After a few minutes of outlining the rim, try changing your tongue strokes to long, flat strokes that apply a little more pressure. Depending on what your partner likes, you can switch them up or find a pattern that works best!
When it comes to warming up with fingering, Mason actually suggested doing this to yourself more often. When you are playing with fingers, it is safe and easy to take your time and explore your own touch. If you do this with a partner, it is a great way to learn patience and communication- plus, you can use a latex glove for protection if you have multiple partners, or aren’t fond of the feeling of lubricant on your hands.
Coat your finger (or your partner’s) with lubricant and gently apply pressure while circling your finger around your rim. When you feel adequately relaxed from stimulating the rim, you can slowly start inserting your finger. This is a great time to see what position insertion feels most comfortable in, and practicing breathing techniques.
"inhaling brings blood in and tightens you, exhale helps you loosen up- always insert on the exhale, and don’t forget to breathe” Mason said, which holds very true. Learning to relax your sphincter is no easy thing, and it takes plenty of practice. The finger phase truly gets you ready for more penetration, since the initial hassle is just learning to relax enough to be penetrated.
A common complaint is that this feeling resembles that of needing to use the restroom. This happens, considering any stimulation there is usually an alert that your bowels are ready to go. When you learn how to fully relax, this feeling quickly goes away- the art is in learning how to surrender, and receive pleasure.
Whether you receive penetration from your partner or a toy, its all the same: the giver must know how to properly give. In Mason’s words, "A good top is a bottom at heart. A partner can properly pleasure you anally if they too know how to receive or at the very least communicate effectively”.
In better terms, you can’t enjoy good anal if your partner doesn't know how to dish it out, or listen to your instructions on what feels best. Anal is very different for everyone, and pleasure can range from different positions, to thrusts, to rhythm.
Some of Mason and I’s key points:
As a bottom, you are in dominant position- you are in charge of how you are pleased, so speak up!
See which entry method works best for you. We like missionary or laying on our sides.
A stiff, straight back does not follow the shape of your rectum. Put pillow under your lower back to create perfect inserting position.
Go incredibly slow, inch by inch, and communicate the entire way through. The most sensational part is inserting the head of the penis or toy. When inserting, make sure to breathe the entire time and go deeper during your exhales.
The sphincter is a tight and powerful muscle, so don’t be surprised if you push your partner out the first couple times. This takes practice!
Once fully in, take slow and shallow thrusts until you can work your way up to longer thrusts. To avoid injury, you should not have an intensely fast rhythm until you are used to receiving anal sex.
If you're still having a hard time relaxing, Mason recommends working with a couple massage points on the body. As a licensed massage therapist, some of the best ways to relax your ass is by applying gentle pressure on the inner thighs, lower back, bikini area, or taint with your fingers.
Even with all the above info, penetration may still feel difficult for you! I do recommend having some fun anal toys to try, such as butt plugs. You can get a butt plug set that has 3 different sizes, like my Luxe Bling Set from Blush Novelties, which helps you explore different ranges of penetration. I like plugs because they help accustom you to the feeling of anal penetration- try wearing one during sex, or walking around with one in! Baby steps people, baby steps.
Anal is for Everyone
Many women stray away from trying anal because they may not see the value. Believe it or not, your rectum can be much more sensitive than your actual vagina, and can be pretty fucking mind-blowing when paired with some clitoral stimulation. Straight men also shy away from anal play, because society has made it synonymous with homosexuality (what a shame, considering prostate stimulation is glorious).
No matter what form of anal stimulation you choose, make sure to take it slow and enjoy the ride. Always ensure proper communication, lots of lube, and lots of practice.
As Mason says, “anal teaches patience and experience vs just getting off. This is not a quick fix, for bonding you must relax and enjoy”.
Thank you beautiful soul!