Recently I had one of my followers reach out to me with a situation that really hurt my heart to read:
“Somebody recently told me I was the ugliest person they have ever had sex with, and that I was boring. It broke my heart. Such a sensitive and deep subject and special thing for a person was seemingly taken away from me. I have never had an orgasm and I don’t know if thats part of why he said I was boring. Maybe im just uncomfortable in my own skin. How would you handle this situation?”
As I have spoken with this amazing woman, it is clear she is bright, intelligent, and ABSOLUTELY STUNNING. Seriously guys, I wish I wasn’t keeping this anonymous so I could show you this beautiful blonde bombshell that I was lucky enough to have slide in my DM’s. I come to find out later, he had asked her to come see him again despite his harsh words.
None of this sounds right does it?
This can be something that is aggravating to get past, especially if anyone has put you down sexually. Our sexuality is something we hold so dear to us, and just one comment like this can really put a blow on anyones self esteem. In fact, there are many hurtful things someone can say or do to blow your self esteem. It can make you avoid relationships, social situations, or sexual relations, or find that you have trust issues- I get it. If this didn’t bother me so much, I wouldn’t feel the need to rant in hopes of making just one person feel better.
No matter who the person is, no matter what was said... you can get past it, I promise. Sit on these next 3 thoughts and see if they can apply to you.
Being someone who used to have a horrible habit of people pleasing and caring about others opinions, I quickly realized it was a waste of time to trust my self worth based on others perspectives. Why? Because even if you’re the juiciest peach on the tree, some people will still not like peaches. Maybe someone liked peaches and now they don’t- bottomline is, you can’t control people's outcomes. You must always do right by yourself, and learn to be respectfully selfish. Focus on all the amazing things you have to offer, and how valuable you are to others. Maybe you had an embarrassing moment during sex, or someone like this guy said something extremely hurtful, but you shouldn’t let that define you. Besides, there are 7 billion people on this earth and you are guaranteed to find one who loves absolutely everything about you.
Detachment- will this matter?
You may need to take someone out of your life, distance yourself, or draw stronger boundaries. Dragging on relationships that feel forced, negative, or unhealthy will only do you harm in the long run. When making detachments I ask myself…. Will this matter to me in 5 years? 2 years? Maybe even 6 months? If the answer is no, then its a strong indicator to make positive changes in your life.
With self value comes detachment (the one that has revolutionized my life). Value yourself enough to say goodbye to people who don’t advance and support you, let alone treat you with respect. Value yourself enough to put in the past whatever is holding you back from being a better you. Value yourself enough to realize there are people who are not meant to be in your life forever, nor do they deserve your presence. Most importantly, value yourself enough to accept that YOU may not be good in someone else's life either, I have ended many friendships on this.
Don't take it personal.
I want to speak candidly on this, since I have been on both ends. Although I have never been shamed sexually by a partner, It's safe to say that shaming someone for something they can’t control, or taking a personal jab so cruel has a lot more to say about the them then the person they are targeting. In my past, when I was very insecure and very unsure of who I was, I have said things that were extremely hurtful and still embarrass me to think about to this day. Sometimes my comments came out of anger, or jealousy- that didn’t make them right. I have had things said to me that were viciously intended to make me tick- something that is very hard to do. That being said, realize in the end you choose how to react. I can promise you behind the confident statements and attitude of a cruel person, is someone deep down inside who is even more hurt than you are. You can hold anger, you can hold sadness, but its much less emotionally draining to detach from that person and situation, and go back to #1 on this list.
My follower doesn’t personally know me, nor do I know her. She took a brave step and reached out to me, and I am so glad she did. If theres anything this world needs, is for more of us to support each other without asking for anything in return. To care about those we may not know, and offer a listening ear and advice. We will live our lives going through relationships and situations that can feel unbearable, and leaning on others for some simple words may be our only form of coping. I am so thankful to all of you who were there for me through my tough times, and I hope that I can be there for you too.